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I'm starting to feel afraid that if ever I'll have a child, it will be ugly.

Not that I'm saying I have bad genes or my soon to be partner have one, lol.

It's just that whenever I see someone else baby, I never find it cute. Most of them are uncute (or it's only in my eyes). Okay, sorry for being rude. I'm not perfect but I tend to criticize them. And can't help not to feel sorry for the little ones. I think I just have high standards.

But I believe that it is important for a parent to be honest. If your baby or child is not cute, then stop saying it's the cutest thing. Photos and videos can't lie. Eyes of people can't lie.

Waaaa.... Excuse me for all these blabbering. I just can't help myself not to coz been seeing lotsa baby pictures on fb. 

a day in the bed

Woke up today feeling so dizzy and totally not okay. Had to send a message to the office that I'll try to report around lunchtime coz I know I won't be able to make it. Then I tried to sleep again, only to wake up still not feeling any better.

Just came back from my two days training in Doha. Course is good.  Nothing more to comment about. 

Met Joan and Lois while there. Nice to see familiar faces. Unfortunately, I'm not that excited to roam around Doha as I've been there before. Aside that it looks like Abu Dhabi, only a bit much more laid back.

Worst, I don't have food and medicine. Coz I was suppose to go to the supermarket after office. Luckily there's one old cup noodles hiding at the back of my cupboard. Add up some egg on it, afterwards suffered a stomachache. Whataday!

Currently still in my pajamas with a blanket around me as I'm freakingly feeling cold despite adjusting the a/c in my room. Hate this feeling.

Hope I'll get better tomorrow morning.

another page

Just when I thought everything was fine. Too good to be true.

Never thought I'd feel so scared in my life. That behind the facade am sporting, my guts are all tied in knots.

Looking at you, I tried so hard not to care too much. That everything is okay. But the truth is, am so scared.

Then reality hits me, what if something bad will happen? So many what ifs run in my head that it gave me so much head ache.

One moment we were laughing, the next moment you're in a bad shape.

All plans were cancelled and forgotten.

I can't sleep and headache never left my head. Been a constant companion of mine.

Then I started worrying about everything and everybody.

To the point of not wanting to leave, but I need to move. Life must go on.

I prayed so hard. And beg to God and asked for His forgiveness for all the wrong doings I've done. 

I hate hospitals.....