current status

My current state is in total shambles. Everything seems unsure. Like my world is currently in unstable balance. Starting to feel weird and imagining all sort of non sense things.

Some part of me wanted to open up with someone to console a bit of my soul, however, another side of me wanted to be alone. Guess my introvertness is surfacing and taking control of me.

Not sure how long this will last but I'm pretty sure that if this situation continues for a month or so, I may be heading back home. And this made me think whether it's a good or bad sign.

I'm trying to be as normal as I can be. But sometimes I can't help not to overthink and it's taking a toll on me. It's worrisome but some other people doesn't understand it - the situation I'm currently in. The uncertainty that I'm facing that I can't share with anyone. The if's that may happen. 

I was looking at the window and thought to myself, things happened so fast and took me by surprise that I wasn't able to prepare a backup plan. That it's scary to think that I may end up in the losing side. What a bummer.

No one knows what will happen. Or what will be the final verdict.

memoirs of 2016

It's been a while since I last posted in here. Been busy with a lot of things. I actually drafted a lot of entries but ended up not finishing it. Too bad.

Anyway, as a tradition, let me do a recap of my 2016.

January - spent my very first New Year in Manila after 6 years.

February - went for a short trip to Manila again as I got a few leave days that will get forfeited if I will not use it.

March - had the scare in my life. I came to realize how short our life is and how lonely it is to be alone when you're struggling and feeling unsure if you can still wake up the next day.

April - decided to start living healthy. And so I bought a Nutribullet out of the blue, hehe

May - due to some accumulated debts I got from travelling last year, decided to consolidate it in one go and took a loan to settle them.

June - Ramadan time! Obviously nothing exciting to do as it's too hot to go outside. However, a blessing was received by the whole network. No matter small the amount is, a blessing is still a blessing.

July - decided to use my US visa after months of getting it. Went to New York where I met my highschool friend Alma then later to Chicago where some good soul adopted us for a few days.

August - suddenly felt the urge to travel again so decided to apply for an Australian visa

September - spent my Eid holidays in Sydney. It was fun except for the long flight.

October - my birthday month! This time went to Norway and Netherlands. It's not yet snowing in Oslo but it's already pretty cold that time. I love Oslo, I like how peaceful it is except for the expensive hotels.

November - unexpectedly started a dream project even under a tight budget. Same month where I got so stressed of finding a new place since I need to move out from my current room. Lose a lot of weight coz of that.

December - spent my first Christmas in Manila since I missed it from 2009. It's a very happy Christmas for me coz for the first time, I felt warm and peace of celebrating it at home. Also, another small blessing was received and was effected this month.


I can't believe how time flies so fast. Seems like yesterday when I'm recapping my 2015 but now I'm doing the 2016.

Though I don't have a list of goals in 2016, it still a happy year for me coz I've done a lot of things that I've been thinking to do.

This year, I already mentally listed my goals and priorities. Hopefully I'll be able to do them.

Have a wonderful year ahead to everyone!

Okay I confess, I tried dieting.

You see, I decided to give it a go during Ramadan period coz I thought it's the perfect time to do that. Unfortunately, it hits me back quite hard.

Not being able to have snacks and proper lunch , all my meal timings are messed up. Yes I did lose a kilo however I paid the price for it. I'm constantly having headaches all day and terrible mood swings. No matter how hard I tried to control my mood swings, I failed big time. Worst is that I always feel irritated at work, and having headaches that I can't sleep at night and waking up having head aches as well. Pathetic right? Just for a kilo, I suffered a lot.

Anyway, weekends are my cheat days so those days I'm not having any headaches nor mood swings, haha. And those are the days I feel so happy just eating whole day while watching movies.

Seriously, I kept asking myself if it's really worth it. It felt so ridiculous that I manage to survive for a month doing it. Not sure whether I should give myself a thumbs up or a nice slap on the face.

So it ends by tomorrow. And the next day I'm going for a week long vacation. I did lose weight but my bulges remains the same so my hopes of being able to wear some clothes I have will not happen as they still don't fit me, wtf.

One more day. One more day and I'm free, yehey!

cruising fever

Currently watching "Cruise Ship Diaries" on Natgeo and it suddenly spiked my desire to try to travel on cruise ship.

Though I normally panic on water, I think it will be a great experience to do this. Okay, I decided. Cruising on a ship is definitely included now in my bucketlist. And just thinking about it makes me so excited I'm getting itchy all over my body, haha.

Captains on board looked so cool. As cool as pilots. 

So back on the subject. I remember reading something that there are lots of people who cruise alone. Same concept of backpacking alone. Hmm... I think I can consider this in case nobody wants to go with me. After all, I already tried travelling alone. Maybe I should cruise alone as well, haha.

Seeing some of the facilities of the ship, it is truly not that different from the normal five star hotels. The rooms are pretty cool, well, that of course depends on the type of room that you will avail. The expensive it is, the better it is. If you're on a budget, then it will be a cabin like room. More of like a capsule room I guess.

Imagine a Ritz Carlton or Four Seasons hotel on the sea, wow... Every money spent is worth it. And the view is fantastic. Only pray that the ship will not encounter any pirates or pass into red zones.

I guess if I fell in a serious emotional turnaround, I'll definitely go into solo cruising. But for now, I think I prefer to go with a friend. As much moody as I can be, I'm thankful that there are still some people who are willing to travel with me haha. 

Okay, I made up my mind. Now I have something to look forward to. A new motivation for my wandering soul lol.

things happen

So last night was a little bit eventful for us.

From additional freebies of white wine to special makis to our teppanyaki, plus cake and few tikis, yup, last night was funny.

Our fun started with the funny and lively teppanyaki chef. But I'm not really going to talk about him.

You see, we had several drinks thanks to some generous people. Having alcohol in your system and taking taxi will make you really feel sleepy. So after Blesie drop me off to my place, I clearly told her not to fall asleep and to take out her pen. 

I was texting her at first then she went quiet so I suspect that she zonked out as it's impossible for her to reach home in less than 30 minutes of driving. After a while I got a call from her while having a fight with the taxi driver. Apparently she did fell asleep and this sleazy driver drove her somewhere far. Since I always takes note of the taxi driver's name and staff number, I called the Transad to report the incident. The good thing about the taxi services in Abu Dhabi is that eventhough I wasn't able to get the plate number of the taxi, they were able to trace the taxi by giving him the name and staff number of the driver. 

Hmm... Can't exactly remember how many times I called Transad to complain. Coz the time I tried to call Blesie and couldn't get hold of her, I blasted to Transad to do something and to ensure that my complain will be actioned. Coz I got worried that the taxi driver got pissed off he throw her out of the taxi in the middle of nowhere, haha. Anyway, I knew nothing bad happened as I didn't felt something bad. Before I knew it, I zonked out too.

I woke up and saw the message of Blesie that got home safely. Later in the afternoon we laugh at how we made the driver's life miserable. There's a chance that he might get deported coz along the way Blesie reported him to the police, wahaha. Only one thing I can say, he tried to mess up with the wrong people.

:(

Suddenly felt old. All the songs I used to like and still like are currently shown on back tracks. Waaa...

Time flies so fast. Hearing these songs brings back old memories. Actually, they are not that old memories. Like a few years back? Well, whatever.

For some strange reason, I'm gaining a lot of weight. I don't know what to do. Everytime I weigh myself in, stupid scale keeps showing higher number than the previous day I weigh, arghhh...

Munching on some sweets to keep myself distracted from getting depress. And by the way, only two more episodes for "Descendants of the sun" and I'll have to find a new series to watch.

a quick lookback of 2015

2015 was quite memorable for me. I accomplished a lot of things last year. I set up five goals and unknowingly and unexpectedly done it. So let me do a quick recap of what happened during the last 12 months:

January - started the year travelling; celebrated New Year in the airport and arrived on Manila on 01Jan15

February - went for Mussandam trip in Oman

March - decided to take a shot reviewing and impulsively decided to start investing

April - went back and forth for a quick check up in the hospital

May - spent a few weeks in Manila again and completed the documents for my account

June/July - didn't do anything special as this is Ramadan season. Ahmmm, I think during this time I decided to change my lunch habit

August - applied for Schengen visa again. Also did my passport renewal

September - bought a new mobile - Mr. Brown then spent a few days in Manila again then came back for the interview

October - my birthday month, woohoo! Went to Japan during the long weekend and cancelled my Europe trip. Got back my passport with my US visa stamped on it *big smile*

November - busy preparing for my upcoming trip

December - went to Peru and successfully hiked Huayna Picchu! Then went to Manila on 31Dec15 so celebrate New Year after 7 long years


Well, it's a year that I've realized a lot of things and tried to start thinking about my future. Hopefully, this year will a much better and exciting year for me. Excitedly looking forward for it.

remembering one of my flights with etihad

So I just finished reading a blog of a former flight attendant of SQ. I like to read things like that as I somehow get an insight of what's really happening behind those beautiful smiles they flashes on every passenger.

I once had a good experience with an EY staff. I was on a flight back to Abu Dhabi and due to heavy fog back then, most of connecting flights from Abu Dhabi are rebooked. Passengers which flights are up to Abu Dhabi only are allowed to board so the aircraft is almost empty, eventhough the actual flight was delayed for more than five hours. I was so tired that time and by the time we boarded, I'm almost in the brink of falling asleep. I had my stuffed pillow in the shape of big head of Brown (from Line app) and I put in the seat beside me as I fix my seatbelt with my eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, I noticed the stewardess putting the seatbelt to Brown. I couldn't help not to smile but I told her it's not necessary. She smiled sweetly and told me she just wanted to ensure that Brown will be safe beside me. At that moment, I sort of felt impressed with her professionalism. Or maybe she wants to avoid a flying Brown when the airplane takes of, haha. But my story doesn't end there.

You see, my sister asked me a favor if I can get her the pair of utensils of EY as she likes to keep them as a souvenir. Actually, it is really really embarassing to get it as someone shouldn't keep it as it's the property of the airline (though they will dispose it later on). But silly me couldn't say no and I actually promised her that I will get one so I cannot take back my words. So after the meal, I put my thick face mode on and shyly asked the stewardess if it's possible for me to keep the utensils as a souvenir. I saw her hesitant look so I immediately told her that it's absolutely okay if it's not allowed. I felt so embarrassed that time that I gave her my most sorry look. But later on she told me in a very low voice to keep it but must not tell anybody (yet I'm writing it in my blog). I never felt so happy at that time like I won something important. But you see, the way she says no first in a very professional way and the way she said okay later on gave me a different impression with the crew staff of EY. It's not that much but I highly appreciate it very much.

So when we were about to go out of the plane, I saw her in the exit and thanked her again. She's the same lady who attended me the whole flight. Not so sure if she remembers me but I'm still thankful to her that I was able to fulfill my promise to my sister (that memorable utensils I gave to her when I flew back to Manila for a short trip a few months later).

In reality, a lot of times I felt discriminated (or is it only my imagination) over Angmohs during flights. Seems like they do treat Asians differently. So I somehow started ignoring the flights attendants unless I needed something to them (though I was never rude to them albeit never friendly either) or it's meal time. But because of that one incident with EY, I sort of come to like to fly with them again. Waaaa... I'm being a total traitor to my current company as EY is their competitor, haha. Anyway, this is one factor why everytime they asked me if I like EY, I always said yes. Aside from the fact that they do direct flights to Manila, wahaha.

 

what is writing to me

I always thought that as when time goes by, I’ll become a good writer. The ones who can write stories that can captivate the interest of the readers. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out as what I envision it to be.

 

They say there are two kinds of people – those who think they can write and those who think they can’t write. But the truth is, most of us fall somewhere in the middle. We are capable of producing a good writing or at least a better writing, somewhere, somehow.

 

If you will ask me, my head is always full of ideas. Random, crazy and sometimes intellectual ideas. But whenever I try to put it in writing, I became lost for words. Too lost that I can’t express nor start my story.

 

And I know that becoming a good writer won’t happen overnight, and not just because you want it. It needs some work and more practice. As they say, anyone who writes is a writer, but it doesn’t mean that they are a good one. Ouch!

 

Back when I was in high school, I remember I have friends who writes very well. And I had fun reading their writings. Later on, someone showed me the book “Diary of Anne Frank”. Somehow, that inspires me to write as well. It’s the kind of book in which it was written in a way that will hook up your interest. So I thought, it must be fun to write a diary. That time, I’m lucky to have friends that encouraged me to try to write. No matter how trivial it is. Blogs are not yet popular that time, so keeping a personal diary is the least thing I can do. Jotting down everything that I can think of. Didn’t care whether my English is not that good. Now looking back at my own writings, I found them funny and amusing at the same time. Taking me back to my youthful days. Remembering the details of past experiences brought back memories that were somehow forgotten in time.

 

It was in late 2004 when I got introduced to Xanga by my friend and there I met several people online and begun to read their writings about their daily lives. It was actually pretty good as they became so familiar to me like I do really know them in person. Their writings brought us closer, I came to know whatever they did that day, whether something or someone made them happy nor sad. Just then, I too begun writing my daily musings. Short, stupid posts but I never cared. It totally became my online diary as I became lazy to keep a personal diary anymore. I had my Xanga account for years but totally abandoned it, I think my last post was three years ago when I confessed a dirty secret on it, haha.

 

Last time when I went back for a short vacation in Manila, we went to a bookstore to buy a planner for my mom as she needs to keep track of her BP. I looked through the selection of diaries that they were selling and noticed that the choices became limited unlike before. Well, I can’t blame them for that as nowadays people prefer to keep blogs to record their lives on social media rather than making an effort to write down the experiences using a pen and notebook. And I’m one of those people.

 

However nowadays, I prefer to read than to write. I can spend my whole day reading various blogs, mangas, stories whether it is fiction or based on reality, recipes, histories and so on.

 

And I realized that though I resigned from my previous jobs five times already, I still can’t write a good resignation letter. And worst, I never left a copy for myself so I can use as a future reference. So it means every time I decided to resign, I always search over the internet a good resignation letter sample and rewrite just like it my own. Silly me.

 

Well, I guess it’s still not too late to restart writing again. More peanuts and other brain boosters to enhance my way of thinking, teehee…

 

 

reality check

For some weird reason, I totally forgot the rest of my target this year. I mean, as what I remember, it should be five. But how come I only remember four? Searched my notes, planner, e-diary – cannot find anything as somehow I didn’t wrote it down as I don’t want other people to know and later on everything will be jinxed.

 

So now am racking my brain, but still unlucky. Are those peanuts I ate did not help me at all and only gave me breakouts? Grrrr…

 

Read a blog the other day and it hits the spot. It was actually helpful knowing that soon my age will not be in the calendar anymore. Took notes of them as reference:

 

1.     Start saving for retirement now, not later

·         Educating yourself is the key – learn to understand boring things such as insurance, mortgage and investments

·         Starting early is a big factor – I actually want to regret not doing it during my early 20s. The 10 years that passed will make a big difference. It’s not like I wanted to spend my whole life living with paycheck to paycheck until my retirement

2.     Don’t invest in anything you don’t understand

·         A lot people asking you to join this and that – do not trust and make your own investigation. Otherwise, you can consult people that have expertise or have experience on it.

3.     Pay all your debt as soon as possible

·         This should be a top priority – keeping away from those shiny, tempting credit cards is a key factor. Some says that if your debt is more than 10% of your gross annual salary, it is a huge red flag, aww!

4.     Keep an emergency fund

·         I read somewhere that it should be the equivalent of three times your salary (which is somehow quite hard for someone with filial responsibilities)

·         Being ready in case some unfortunate event happen – e.g. job loss. Coz you cannot foresee what might happen like when your career suddenly took a worst turn.

5.     Start taking care of your health

·         I am guilty of not taking good care of my body and now it’s showing. I’m continuously aging and it’s hard to accept that truth. Damn those fats! 

·         Previously I can’t imagine myself making appointments with the doctor, coz the idea of doctors and hospitals scares me to death. But managed to do it – twice.

·         Collagen? Badly needed it now. Should I start eating chicken feet?

·         Eat more veggies – eventhough it’s like a torture

·         Sleep better – ahmmmmm….

·         Exercise – weeeeeeell…. I will, I’ll try some zumba moves.

6.     Don’t spend time with people who don’t treat you well

·         Who cares if you’re alone? Atleast it’s much better to be alone rather than with someone who will make you feel miserable, right? Respect for yourself dude, respect. Don’t tolerate those intolerable people, period

·         They say who you hang out with changes your life (for good or bad). They are somewhat major influences in you. So stay away from miserable people, coz they will consume and drain you, unless you want to be miserable yourself. Instead, surround yourself with people who will bring out the better version of you.

7.     Be good to people you care about

·         It’s not a bad thing to spend more time with the oldies – coz we don’t know what might happen in the future. I may not be there everyday with them, but constant chat messages with my mom and sisters are like bridges to each other. Even if messages are sometimes silly and full of line stickers

·         I realized how short our life is whenever I think of what happened to my mom. I was there, we were there. I feel guilty everytime I thought of that moment coz I never saw how serious her condition that time, I was more focused on playing online games. How dense I am to pretend nothing is wrong. That what's in front of me is not real. How scared I am when she suddenly turned into someone whom I am unfamiliar with.

8.     You can’t have everything so better to focus on doing few things really well

·         Reality check, not everyone is good in everything. So instead of being prisoned in a delusion, might well focus in a more realistic things that I know am capable of.

9.     Don’t be afraid to take risks

·         It is not too late to change. Being in the age bracket of 30s not the end of your life. Live your life the way you wanted it to be.

·         You can still think outside of the box. There’s no harm in getting yourself out of your comfort zone, coz you’re not supposed to be there forever. That will be toooo boring.

·         Career change? Why not! Do what you think will be good for you, inshallah!

·         Taking risks will help you to further your growth and self-development. A few courses will do, who cares if they do call you “ate” now?

10.   Travel while you can

·         The experience you will get, super worth it.  You’ll remember odd experiences like begging to total strangers to change your whole notes coz you can’t buy a train ticket in Paris as it’s only accepting coins in the machine, or being frugal and let six people crammed in one car just to have a free tour, or getting lost in the middle of nowhere without any manual maps as you depend on your gps navigator which fails to work in the middle of your trip and the list goes on…   

  

There are actually  few more however, became too lazy to write it.  So, I'll just end it here now.

x_x

I can't describe the frustrations am feeling right now. Been staring at those problems and spent atleast three hours figuring how they've come up with the answer. And still wasn't able to solve it. I'm seriously losing my mind here.

Lately my mind is somewhere far. I'm having some difficulty focusing as I tend to lose my concentration eaasily. And worst is that I'm having hard time controlling my temper. That's why nowadays I tend to keep silent and shut my mouth otherwise the risk of slashing out to someone is very high.

Maybe coz of the medicine am taking that's why I'm feeling like this. Or lack of sleep. I don't know.

goals... goals

At the start of year 2015, I made several goals in which I made a firm decision to accomplish them by hook or by crook. So far I listed five of them but I will not disclose them, teehee...

Currently accomplished three out of five. That means I'm already halfway. Two more and I will achieve my target. I'm happy. But what actually happened was that the three of them came in the most unexpected ways.

But as what they say, never pass any opportunity. Previously I always ignored them, but no longer now. If I will not start now, then when?

hello 2015

My first post for the year was quite late. But as they say, it's better to be late than never.

Recap recap... What's with 2014?

January

• resigned from my work after almost three years

February

• moved in to Abu Dhabi in a new flat with boxes & boxes & boxes of things to arrange

March

• flew to Doha as needed for my visa change. First flight out although it's just a roundtrip, literally
• went gaga looking for a new room coz got problem with the room I previously got. Had to squeeze myself in at Rahyan's flat for two weeks. Luckily found one that's quite near in my new work; about 8-10 minutes by walk.
• started at my new work; "new girl" is it again 

April

• had this terrible paranoia coz of this old room. Had to buy new things for the room as well

May

• finally found a carlift - service every morning to pick me and drop to the office
• first time trying out ordering those products online and result was good

June

• ordered another big batch of goodies
• start of the Ramadan, too hot to even go out

July

• mobile phone went gaga had to factory reset it

August

• went for a relaxing stay at Ritz Carlton over the weekend
• bought my smart tv and I've never been glad that I did

September

• finished my six months probation period  - atlast

October

• birthday month! what more to say?
• went for a short break in Brazil. First time to fly more than 13-14hours alone

November

• Manila here I come!
• went for long drives with my family to Ilocos and some part of Taal volcano
• had the biggest shock of my life that left me airheaded for weeks

December

• went to Doha for "Time & Priority Management Training"
• gate crashed RC Christmas party

Well, that's it for my whole year. Nothing much, just travelled continously in the last quarter. Can't believe how time flies.

Anyhow, had the best New Year as I celebrated the first day of the year with my family. After five long years. It was so unplanned that I only bought my ticket on 31Dec14 when the long weekend was confirmed.

Anyway, that's it. Hoping for a wonderful 2015. Fingers crossed.

dot dot dot

I'm starting to feel afraid that if ever I'll have a child, it will be ugly.

Not that I'm saying I have bad genes or my soon to be partner have one, lol.

It's just that whenever I see someone else baby, I never find it cute. Most of them are uncute (or it's only in my eyes). Okay, sorry for being rude. I'm not perfect but I tend to criticize them. And can't help not to feel sorry for the little ones. I think I just have high standards.

But I believe that it is important for a parent to be honest. If your baby or child is not cute, then stop saying it's the cutest thing. Photos and videos can't lie. Eyes of people can't lie.

Waaaa.... Excuse me for all these blabbering. I just can't help myself not to coz been seeing lotsa baby pictures on fb. 

a day in the bed

Woke up today feeling so dizzy and totally not okay. Had to send a message to the office that I'll try to report around lunchtime coz I know I won't be able to make it. Then I tried to sleep again, only to wake up still not feeling any better.

Just came back from my two days training in Doha. Course is good.  Nothing more to comment about. 

Met Joan and Lois while there. Nice to see familiar faces. Unfortunately, I'm not that excited to roam around Doha as I've been there before. Aside that it looks like Abu Dhabi, only a bit much more laid back.

Worst, I don't have food and medicine. Coz I was suppose to go to the supermarket after office. Luckily there's one old cup noodles hiding at the back of my cupboard. Add up some egg on it, afterwards suffered a stomachache. Whataday!

Currently still in my pajamas with a blanket around me as I'm freakingly feeling cold despite adjusting the a/c in my room. Hate this feeling.

Hope I'll get better tomorrow morning.

another page

Just when I thought everything was fine. Too good to be true.

Never thought I'd feel so scared in my life. That behind the facade am sporting, my guts are all tied in knots.

Looking at you, I tried so hard not to care too much. That everything is okay. But the truth is, am so scared.

Then reality hits me, what if something bad will happen? So many what ifs run in my head that it gave me so much head ache.

One moment we were laughing, the next moment you're in a bad shape.

All plans were cancelled and forgotten.

I can't sleep and headache never left my head. Been a constant companion of mine.

Then I started worrying about everything and everybody.

To the point of not wanting to leave, but I need to move. Life must go on.

I prayed so hard. And beg to God and asked for His forgiveness for all the wrong doings I've done. 

I hate hospitals.....

back from deadzone

I'm actually glad am back. The travel time going to Brazil is crazy. Longest flight I had so far.

Came back earlier than planned. Or rather, came back as per original plan. Wtf!

Now I'll have more time for myself. Coz my bodyclock is sort of messed up.

Unfortunately, I don't have much pictures from this trip. As in literally. Coz - 1. I don't have a camera. 2. I became so bloated I look terrible in the pictures. 3. My fats are overflowing I can't bring myself to take pictures. 4. My eyebags are bigger than my eyes. 5. My eyebags are darker than my pupils I look like a panda.

So that's it. I don't have pictures, my vacation leave is wasted and I wasn't able to buy any souvenirs.

Now it's 10:41pm and I just finished my dinner coz I just woke up and God knows what time I'll be able to sleep again.

endless ranting

There's no such thing as fate or destiny. Because you decide and make your own actions which results to it. Without any effort for the two of you to be together, then the so called destiny is just a farce. And I believe this.

Back when I was a child, I used to watch sappy movies of how soulmates will meet under any circumstances and ended up being together (without doing any efforts) coz they were destined to be together. That all people are born with a destined soulmate. However, I pick up a habit of telling everybody that my soulmate died by the time he was born. I dunno where I got this idea. Maybe coz I don't like being teased back then. And now I want to regret saying such thing as I think it maybe true.

What annoys me to no end is when people kept bugging me why I'm not dating till now. The endless "why" questions. What's wrong with being single? Do I really look pathetic being alone? When in reality am not really "alone" coz I still have my friends and family. Being single is much better than having someone who's a total headache.

And I super effin' hate match making. So dear friends, I beg you to stop doing it before I start hating you for real.

One more thing, I super duper hate being said that I will look for a rich guy to date/marry. In my opinion, that's very low and offensive. And to be grouped in such category makes me feel worthless. Even as I joke. Coz I don't need a guy to get what I wanted in life. I can do it and get it for myself.

My mood fluctuates like hell that my eating habits are being affected, fml. It's not that am on diet, coz what am currently eating are all junk foods. Coz I need comfort foods to comfort myself. And everytime I measure my waist I freak out coz number keeps on increasing I wanna hang myself, lol. I mean, I look like a trunk of tree with tiny branches. The trunk is my body, fat and straight. Not a single curve I can find, wtf. I have slim arms and legs so I'll leave it to your imagination. If only I can transfer my tummy fats to my arms and legs. Wishful thinking.

Okay, gotta go. I'm halfway done of my rantings so I feel a bit relieve now.

fone drama

For some reason, my fone kept giving me headaches. Few days ago, it got updated which was the biggest mistake I did for Coraline. After the update, I wasn't able to open my fone for the whole freaking day (just kept restarting non stop), contacts deleted, half of my apps were gone, and my playstore got a surprise for me with a "error 24" for all the apps I wanted to install. Ampf!

Then this morning, it suddenly stopped working. It was working fine, then when the battery drained, I charge it as usual. After that I cannot open it. It kept on restarting. Am so annoyed I want to threw my fone! So I turned it off. Coz until now when I tried to open it it kept on restarting. Waaaaaa.... What did I do to deserve this kind of suffering with my fone? 

This kind of thing makes me really depress. To the point that I lose my appetite to eat my dinner.