Friday, October 12, 2012

sleepless night

Time check, 2:30am. Goodness, I dunno what's happening to me. I don't feel sleepy but I really wanted to sleep. I keep on yawning but my body doesn't want to sleep. Uh ohh... I'm in this moment again.

Am feeling anxious for something I don't know. I'm in this stage again that I no longer enjoy doing my job. And it sucks. I want to resign. :(

I don't want to stay at home alone but I don't want t go out either. I didn't made any plans for weekend coz I know how impulsive I can be.

Staring unknowingly on that direction, memories flooded in my mind again. At one moment in my life, I became so happy. But at the same time, I became so extremely depressed. I lose my old self. I lose me. I lose every dignity and respect in myself that I build up for the past 28 years. And the funny thing, I'm still feeling this extremes within myself. Like yin yang.

I need diversion coz it's affecting me in every way. It's like life had been slowly sucking out of me. Like there's a miasma of negativity around me. And people are beginning to distance themselves away from me. I told myself it's okay but honestly, it bothers me. Big time.

Currently listening to Nina's "Renditions of the Soul"

You came along
At the wrong place, at the wrong time
Or was it me

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