Sunday, July 02, 2017

current status

My current state is in total shambles. Everything seems unsure. Like my world is currently in unstable balance. Starting to feel weird and imagining all sort of non sense things.

Some part of me wanted to open up with someone to console a bit of my soul, however, another side of me wanted to be alone. Guess my introvertness is surfacing and taking control of me.

Not sure how long this will last but I'm pretty sure that if this situation continues for a month or so, I may be heading back home. And this made me think whether it's a good or bad sign.

I'm trying to be as normal as I can be. But sometimes I can't help not to overthink and it's taking a toll on me. It's worrisome but some other people doesn't understand it - the situation I'm currently in. The uncertainty that I'm facing that I can't share with anyone. The if's that may happen. 

I was looking at the window and thought to myself, things happened so fast and took me by surprise that I wasn't able to prepare a backup plan. That it's scary to think that I may end up in the losing side. What a bummer.

No one knows what will happen. Or what will be the final verdict.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

memoirs of 2016

It's been a while since I last posted in here. Been busy with a lot of things. I actually drafted a lot of entries but ended up not finishing it. Too bad.

Anyway, as a tradition, let me do a recap of my 2016.

January - spent my very first New Year in Manila after 6 years.

February - went for a short trip to Manila again as I got a few leave days that will get forfeited if I will not use it.

March - had the scare in my life. I came to realize how short our life is and how lonely it is to be alone when you're struggling and feeling unsure if you can still wake up the next day.

April - decided to start living healthy. And so I bought a Nutribullet out of the blue, hehe

May - due to some accumulated debts I got from travelling last year, decided to consolidate it in one go and took a loan to settle them.

June - Ramadan time! Obviously nothing exciting to do as it's too hot to go outside. However, a blessing was received by the whole network. No matter small the amount is, a blessing is still a blessing.

July - decided to use my US visa after months of getting it. Went to New York where I met my highschool friend Alma then later to Chicago where some good soul adopted us for a few days.

August - suddenly felt the urge to travel again so decided to apply for an Australian visa

September - spent my Eid holidays in Sydney. It was fun except for the long flight.

October - my birthday month! This time went to Norway and Netherlands. It's not yet snowing in Oslo but it's already pretty cold that time. I love Oslo, I like how peaceful it is except for the expensive hotels.

November - unexpectedly started a dream project even under a tight budget. Same month where I got so stressed of finding a new place since I need to move out from my current room. Lose a lot of weight coz of that.

December - spent my first Christmas in Manila since I missed it from 2009. It's a very happy Christmas for me coz for the first time, I felt warm and peace of celebrating it at home. Also, another small blessing was received and was effected this month.

I can't believe how time flies so fast. Seems like yesterday when I'm recapping my 2015 but now I'm doing the 2016.

Though I don't have a list of goals in 2016, it still a happy year for me coz I've done a lot of things that I've been thinking to do.

This year, I already mentally listed my goals and priorities. Hopefully I'll be able to do them.

Have a wonderful year ahead to everyone!

Monday, July 04, 2016

Okay I confess, I tried dieting.

You see, I decided to give it a go during Ramadan period coz I thought it's the perfect time to do that. Unfortunately, it hits me back quite hard.

Not being able to have snacks and proper lunch , all my meal timings are messed up. Yes I did lose a kilo however I paid the price for it. I'm constantly having headaches all day and terrible mood swings. No matter how hard I tried to control my mood swings, I failed big time. Worst is that I always feel irritated at work, and having headaches that I can't sleep at night and waking up having head aches as well. Pathetic right? Just for a kilo, I suffered a lot.

Anyway, weekends are my cheat days so those days I'm not having any headaches nor mood swings, haha. And those are the days I feel so happy just eating whole day while watching movies.

Seriously, I kept asking myself if it's really worth it. It felt so ridiculous that I manage to survive for a month doing it. Not sure whether I should give myself a thumbs up or a nice slap on the face.

So it ends by tomorrow. And the next day I'm going for a week long vacation. I did lose weight but my bulges remains the same so my hopes of being able to wear some clothes I have will not happen as they still don't fit me, wtf.

One more day. One more day and I'm free, yehey!