Friday, March 30, 2012

friday again...

Friday morning and I'm already mourning for something I don't know.

You see, I still can't get over about the conversation I had with my boss. Though it's somewhat a not-so-official talk, I got this mixed emotions.

I want to, of course I wanted. But I fear that I may not be able to do it like I wanted it to be. I can, I know I can if I wanted it to be. But I tend to lose my grip over something. And I know it. No matter how much I wanted not to lose something, somewhere somehow, things will not work out just like the way I wanted it to be. And begins to frustrate me.

Anyway, I think I failed them for this "big" challenge that they gave to me. Well, even my own rating is the same. At the end of the day, I always go home frustrated coz of things that didn't work out properly.

I love my manager coz he's like a father figure to us. The only reason why I enjoyed staying in this company is that he let me work the way I wanted and don't command me to do things his way.

Unlike my previous manager in my previous hotel who is a real devil but acts not like one in front of the others. He acts like he wants to support you but doing the other way around. He said "if you need help, ask me". But when you ask for one, he'll tell you that the reason you're asking for help because your incompetent and never supports in whatever you do. So how can you work properly? That's why I hated my work so much back then that I work like a bastard.

Anyway, back to the present situation, I'm so confused.

I've wanted his honest opinion and I got it. But I still want to try.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

tuesday blues

I dunno what's freaking wrong today. Early in the morning, Joan almost spilled her mug full of tea on me. Lunch I accidentally mixed the salted eggs to the part of tomatoes (seeds) that I removed. And this night, I called my sister to get her account number coz I want to send the money today as exchange rate will be much lower by tomorrow. But instead of being nice to me coz am going to send money to her, she's so irritated to me coz I wake her up. Can you imagine that?

I'm in the office with my managers around but I couldn't control my temper at that moment. Well, atleast I didn't shout at her. I just cut the line and that's it. She was like a total lunatic. Well if that's what she wants. And here I was so excited when I received the text message that's salary's already credited in my account coz I'm going to send my wedding gift to her (which is by the money coz that's the most convenient gift) and all she replied to me was I'm giving her a terrible headache coz she's so sleepy. For the love of God!

Anyway, so much for being nice.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

saturday night

I hate saturday night. Coz it means that I have to wake up early the next day. It's not that I don't want to work anymore but I really hate waking up early. I need to be early tomorrow coz I'm the one who's going to prepare the morning report coz Makram'n on lieu day. Damn!

I feel so lazy that I'm still sitting on the same spot since lunch. I know I know it's kinda gross but what to do?

I'm not sure  if I'm doing the right thing. Haay...

I'm planning to go on a diet again. Coz it's summer already and we need to go to the beach. Cannot tahan swimming with extra baggage on my tummies.

I still don't talk to him like we usually do. Think it's fine with him coz he's not sending any messages nor calling me. Anyway, if that's what he wants. Lately, I felt like I want to be treated being someone special again. Coz I don't feel it anymore. I just needed company. But lately I don't have anybody to go out with nor talk to with nor laugh out with.

Getting into senti mode will lead me to nothing. But I feel so lonely. Cannot tell my family that I'm not ok coz I don't want to add up with problems of my two sisters. So even though am not ok, I still need to be ok. And it's so frustrating. And sometimes a bit unfair. Why for them it's ok not to be ok  but for me it's not ok to be not ok? Haay... 

This afternoon I was chatting with my mom telling me all this problems. After hours of chatting, she seems to suddenly remember to ask about me. Just when I thought that she forgot about me. Hah! Sometimes I feel elated coz my parents were so proud of me that they thought I can handle everything by myself. Even to the extent of helping my sisters or them when they have problem. But sometimes I ask, what about me? Though sometimes they do pamper me in other things, when it comes to serious matters in life, they don't expect me to have problems that I cannot solve. Just like two years ago that I cried every night coz I wanted to go home and even wishing that I can pass my resignation without problem. But everytime I was about to bring up the subject to them, they will talk to me about their problems at home that I will lose my courage to voice out what I wanted. Hmmm...

Anyway, I hope they will be okay. I hope someday I will be able to find a job where I can get a big salary so I can support all of them. And we can put up our business, have a peaceful mind and peaceful life.

 But reality is not like that. The only real thing I can right now is that I need to be strong even at the times that I feel tired coz there are people who still need me.

Friday, March 23, 2012


I'm happy when my love ones are happy, am sad when they are sad. That's me.

I'm currently so worried about my sister. And I wish it's already month end so I can send my money to them. I know that a lot of people tells me not to be too stupid in sending most of my salary to them but I cannot tahan hearing them talking like that. Haay...

Other sister also have problem. Goodness, I dunno how much I can handle right now.

Roomie already came back from vacation. And guess what we ate for breakfast? Buko pie! Super yums...

Now I'm here in the living room coz they were sleeping in the room and I don't want to disturb them. 

I wanted to go out but due to some reason, I don't want to go out alone coz I'll end up more lonely than staying in the house.

Been watching MTV since morning and I've seen a lot of Katy Perry's videos. She look good in "fireworks" mv. Luv it!

Anyway... I'm done for tonight.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

it's thursday night!

Thursday night here was like Friday night in other countries. It's a bit strange but that's how it works here in Dubai. Work starts on Sunday and ends on Thursday.

Big papa was inviting us to go to his house and later drink and go out to the club maybe. I was too tempted to go, but I know that if I go, I'll end up drunk again. I'm kinda avoiding alcohol now as I'm feeling a little bit weird about myself. Think am getting old.

So instead of enjoying myself out, am kinda stuck here in the flat watching MTVs and browsing the net. Am so uncool.

Saw this letter in the living room advising us that a new colleague will live with us (she will be in room 3). Tsk! That's the part that am afraid of. Since we live in second floor, housing tends to fill in all the vacancies in lower floors. So I think when Blesie leaves us, they will put someone in bedroom 1 immediately. This housing buggers!

Sandra got lots of candies from Poland. But she's too shy to display it on her desk so she hide it on the steel cabinet. Imagine were eating candies for the last two weeks and we still got lots of them!

my favorite among the rest

I think I'll stop now from here coz I'm getting dizzy now. o_O

Monday, March 19, 2012

random mumblings

Haven't blogged for days. Been busy for these past few days. And been very annoyed lately.

A lot of things changed. Maybe I got used from the old him that now I can't adjust to the new him. And I don't know if I can.

Erlyn's coming back this weekend and the other will leave by the end of April. Haayz... I just hope that housing will not immediately put a new one in the flat.

Summer is near. Dunno where to go or if our Oman trip will materialized. Never been to other GCC countries except UAE and Qatar. Ampf!

Am getting fat again. Well, I've never slimmed down, it's just my playful imagination says that before the wedding when am into dieting, I felt I lose some weight. But now, my tummies getting bigger every single day. And it makes me sick. I honestly don't want to end up like a teddy bear or Pooh but I can't help not to eat especially when am upset or pressured. I tend to eat a lot. 

Like last week, there are consecutive days that I ate two servings of rice and four fried fish. Today I ate five pieces of chicken, one serving of rice and bowl of macaroni salad. Uh oh...

I finished my dried mangoes. Haay... I so love it but it's so expensive to buy it here. Even my fave ube flavored 'pillows'. 

I'm almost done sending out the invoices from 01-15 of March. I'll do the AA and EKH tomorrow plus the other two LTAs that were left unsent coz reservations and FO were not replying to my email query. Bastards!

And I'll send the commission list of Alpha so I can post it in the system. Then I'll do rebates, I think about ten or more. Geez! And post all the staff deductions and priority rewards night.

Lastly, we (meaning me and the two) will sit and review the status of all LTAs. Cannot tahan telling them that I'm way too busy today to do any call follow ups. I know they'll probably kill me but I'm not just sending out invoices, I'm also posting all the payments we received in the two banks plus all the cheque collections as well as arranging cheque collections to the courier and replying to the my non stop emails. Ampf!

I want to go for vacation again... o_O

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

endless whining

If you don't want to hear any whining, you can close this page and leave. Cause this post is nothing but pure whining of mine.

I feel so pressured right now. With all the work that he’s dumping me right now, I don’t know what to do. And he keeps on telling me I need to shine, I need to prove something. But how can I manage my little time if he keeps on adding up work on me. Though he said he’s giving me a lot space, a lot of space is not what I needed. Yes it will be helpful but he keeps on pressuring me on other things.
I cannot tahan the idea that he keeps on giving me her work. If she can’t do it, why they can’t fire her? Okay okay, I’m being a bitch right now but what to do? It’s so unfair. Coz all she’s good at is laughing like a total slut to guys. Ha!

Ampf! Now I feel bad to what I've written above. 

Anyway, my manager spoke with me and told me to make sure to keep in good shape the LTAs which I'm not that super confident. Coz the owning company is keeping their eyes on us for doing a great job in the past months. And those past months, it's not me who's handling it so the credit is not mine. Ampf!

Life is so unfair!

And I'm currently sourgraping over the pic that I saw in fb...

I just realized, why we can't check in here in DFC? I think it's so unfair.


Sunday, March 11, 2012

weekend blues

Due to my laziness to get up and walk out of the room to find something decent to eat from the kitchen, I'm trying to force myself to eat leftover fries from last night. Cold, hard fries that came straight from the fridge. If my mom will find out what I've been eating and doing here, she'll probably gonna send me a grenade. Duh!

I know I know, am way being too lazy that I can't even put back the luggage that I used to it's place. It's still lying where I put it two weeks ago.

Going out after office for this past few weeks, it's insane. But good on the other side as it gives me diversion from thinking stupid things when I'm all alone in the room.

But I think am getting old. I no longer cannot drink that much. And it's driving me crazy.




After two hours of chewing and swallowing these nasty fries, I finally gave up and didn't finish it all. Now I'm thankful to God for giving me a strong stomache coz I ate a lot of bullshit when am alone.




After hours and hours....

Went to this Korean resto again... Super love korean food!

Afterwards, went back to DFC to go home. Kinda got mad at him for various reasons. I just cannot tahan this guy. He just doesn't know when to listen to me when am talking. And if I say something that I don't like, he still do it like he didn't know that I don't like it. Hmpf! Sometimes I wonder whether he really knows what I like and what I don't. He never even surprises me coz he told me before that I always spoils his surprises. But who cares? I know I'm being an attention seeker again but that's me. Sometimes (although more often) I like to be pampered like a spoiled brat. Or a princess. Surprise me, and I will surprise you too. Haist.

I suddenly felt hatred for my bangs coz someone told me that I look like her. I don't want to be look like somebody else, I just want to be me. o_O

On the other subject, I just realized that my luggage won't fit on the side drawer of our room! I forgot that it's smaller than the previous one that we have. Now I don't know where to keep it. Super ampf!

Monday, March 05, 2012

bangs it is

I think going home early without no one to talk in the flat makes me crazy.

Staring at the mirror in the toilet, I suddenly became possessed and took a pair of scissors and cut more fringe. I cut and I cut until the sink became full of hairs (okay, I'm kinda exaggerating here). I just added a few more hairs and cut the ends. That's it.

it's not that long, it's just that my head's a bit bent so it looks like that

I had fringe since I came back to Dubai but never once I went to the office sporting it. I dunno, but somehow I have this strange feeling that I look really stupid having bangs. o_O

Tomorrow if I woke up in a good mood, I'll probably sport my bangs... Yeah bangs!




I'm wondering if my other sister and her husband can go on vacation on December. Hmm... Coz if not, he's telling me something good.

Saturday, March 03, 2012

first week after the vacation

Being back to the office and do actual work was just freaking insane. Not really insane insane but, technically I'm still reluctant to go back to work. Still lazy to wake up early.

First day was hell. Found out that my credit cards (not my personal cards but the accounts that I'm handling) were actually in a mess. Had to clean them up, up to the extent of hiding some amounts, just to make it look nice in the aging. He scolded me for leaving a lot of mess before my vacation (which is really not a big mess since there's no effect even if it was done on time or not). And ate cafeteria food again. o_O

Wednesday we went to the cinema to watch "The devil inside". Unfortunately the movie was a big disappointment and we left the cinema very uncontented. So Niko being Niko insisted on going for another movie. So we watch "The woman in black" which is way too better than the first movie.

Thursday being the last working day, we played bowling after work. Being the unsporty me, I got the lowest score of all... ahuhu... Anyway, after that we eat and drink.

Maybe I haven't drink for such a long time that now I can easily get drunk. Tsk! Imagine, for a glass of beer and three glasses of wine, I got a hang over the next day. 

Next day we went out for his post birthday celebration. Think is not a very good day. We went to church, but was not able to finish the mass as I'm really not feeling well. Then he told me that he needs to go to his brother's house early because his brother is throwing a party for him. And it's like only pass 4pm. and it means that we needed to go on separate ways early. I was so frustrated because I badly wanted to watch David Guetta in Abu Dhabi but didn't go because we were suppose to spend the day and night together. I'm so mad at him and so hungry and when we went to the Korean restaurant where he made a reservation, we found out that they are still close and will open at 7pm. We went to the other Korean restaurant near in Union station but also close. I'm so hungry so we just went to Chilis. Had soup but taste a bit weird so I lose my appetite at all. I wasn't able to finish my ribs which by the way are freaking big. Never seen beef ribs that big.

So after long persuasion, I agreed to go with him to his brother's flat. Honestly speaking, I'm not comfortable to go there. But just for his sake, I went there with a poker face. And after hours of sitting and trying hard to chew the food, we went out. Along the way, we decided to go to Boracay bar. When we went inside, I was asked twice for my ID. I almost freak out coz am freaking 28 years old and they don't allow me to go inside without showing any ID. Unfortunately, I still don't have my national ID and my company ID doesn't have any birthday of mine. Good thing I saw that my health card have it. Geez!

And he keeps on laughing at me. Very..funny..

So after spending hours inside drinking and eating, we decided to go home. Only to end up in a fight and forcing him to go get a taxi and go home (I actually have a reason but I cannot write it here as it's way too personal).

Inspite of all those misfortunes that happened to us, am still happy to spend my day with my meow.