dot dot dot

I'm starting to feel afraid that if ever I'll have a child, it will be ugly.

Not that I'm saying I have bad genes or my soon to be partner have one, lol.

It's just that whenever I see someone else baby, I never find it cute. Most of them are uncute (or it's only in my eyes). Okay, sorry for being rude. I'm not perfect but I tend to criticize them. And can't help not to feel sorry for the little ones. I think I just have high standards.

But I believe that it is important for a parent to be honest. If your baby or child is not cute, then stop saying it's the cutest thing. Photos and videos can't lie. Eyes of people can't lie.

Waaaa.... Excuse me for all these blabbering. I just can't help myself not to coz been seeing lotsa baby pictures on fb. 

a day in the bed

Woke up today feeling so dizzy and totally not okay. Had to send a message to the office that I'll try to report around lunchtime coz I know I won't be able to make it. Then I tried to sleep again, only to wake up still not feeling any better.

Just came back from my two days training in Doha. Course is good.  Nothing more to comment about. 

Met Joan and Lois while there. Nice to see familiar faces. Unfortunately, I'm not that excited to roam around Doha as I've been there before. Aside that it looks like Abu Dhabi, only a bit much more laid back.

Worst, I don't have food and medicine. Coz I was suppose to go to the supermarket after office. Luckily there's one old cup noodles hiding at the back of my cupboard. Add up some egg on it, afterwards suffered a stomachache. Whataday!

Currently still in my pajamas with a blanket around me as I'm freakingly feeling cold despite adjusting the a/c in my room. Hate this feeling.

Hope I'll get better tomorrow morning.

another page

Just when I thought everything was fine. Too good to be true.

Never thought I'd feel so scared in my life. That behind the facade am sporting, my guts are all tied in knots.

Looking at you, I tried so hard not to care too much. That everything is okay. But the truth is, am so scared.

Then reality hits me, what if something bad will happen? So many what ifs run in my head that it gave me so much head ache.

One moment we were laughing, the next moment you're in a bad shape.

All plans were cancelled and forgotten.

I can't sleep and headache never left my head. Been a constant companion of mine.

Then I started worrying about everything and everybody.

To the point of not wanting to leave, but I need to move. Life must go on.

I prayed so hard. And beg to God and asked for His forgiveness for all the wrong doings I've done. 

I hate hospitals.....

back from deadzone

I'm actually glad am back. The travel time going to Brazil is crazy. Longest flight I had so far.

Came back earlier than planned. Or rather, came back as per original plan. Wtf!

Now I'll have more time for myself. Coz my bodyclock is sort of messed up.

Unfortunately, I don't have much pictures from this trip. As in literally. Coz - 1. I don't have a camera. 2. I became so bloated I look terrible in the pictures. 3. My fats are overflowing I can't bring myself to take pictures. 4. My eyebags are bigger than my eyes. 5. My eyebags are darker than my pupils I look like a panda.

So that's it. I don't have pictures, my vacation leave is wasted and I wasn't able to buy any souvenirs.

Now it's 10:41pm and I just finished my dinner coz I just woke up and God knows what time I'll be able to sleep again.

endless ranting

There's no such thing as fate or destiny. Because you decide and make your own actions which results to it. Without any effort for the two of you to be together, then the so called destiny is just a farce. And I believe this.

Back when I was a child, I used to watch sappy movies of how soulmates will meet under any circumstances and ended up being together (without doing any efforts) coz they were destined to be together. That all people are born with a destined soulmate. However, I pick up a habit of telling everybody that my soulmate died by the time he was born. I dunno where I got this idea. Maybe coz I don't like being teased back then. And now I want to regret saying such thing as I think it maybe true.

What annoys me to no end is when people kept bugging me why I'm not dating till now. The endless "why" questions. What's wrong with being single? Do I really look pathetic being alone? When in reality am not really "alone" coz I still have my friends and family. Being single is much better than having someone who's a total headache.

And I super effin' hate match making. So dear friends, I beg you to stop doing it before I start hating you for real.

One more thing, I super duper hate being said that I will look for a rich guy to date/marry. In my opinion, that's very low and offensive. And to be grouped in such category makes me feel worthless. Even as I joke. Coz I don't need a guy to get what I wanted in life. I can do it and get it for myself.

My mood fluctuates like hell that my eating habits are being affected, fml. It's not that am on diet, coz what am currently eating are all junk foods. Coz I need comfort foods to comfort myself. And everytime I measure my waist I freak out coz number keeps on increasing I wanna hang myself, lol. I mean, I look like a trunk of tree with tiny branches. The trunk is my body, fat and straight. Not a single curve I can find, wtf. I have slim arms and legs so I'll leave it to your imagination. If only I can transfer my tummy fats to my arms and legs. Wishful thinking.

Okay, gotta go. I'm halfway done of my rantings so I feel a bit relieve now.

fone drama

For some reason, my fone kept giving me headaches. Few days ago, it got updated which was the biggest mistake I did for Coraline. After the update, I wasn't able to open my fone for the whole freaking day (just kept restarting non stop), contacts deleted, half of my apps were gone, and my playstore got a surprise for me with a "error 24" for all the apps I wanted to install. Ampf!

Then this morning, it suddenly stopped working. It was working fine, then when the battery drained, I charge it as usual. After that I cannot open it. It kept on restarting. Am so annoyed I want to threw my fone! So I turned it off. Coz until now when I tried to open it it kept on restarting. Waaaaaa.... What did I do to deserve this kind of suffering with my fone? 

This kind of thing makes me really depress. To the point that I lose my appetite to eat my dinner.

 

the pros and cons of ramadan

It's this season again. It's the season anticipated by a lot of people but been hated as well. I can say am in between. I like and hate it.

Like - coz working hours is cut short. You can go home early and take a rest.

Hate - coz can't eat in public. Restaurants are closed and will be open only during night. It's also the start of the peak of summer season and it's like hell to go out to go home. 

Currently am suffering in waiting for my carlift to pick me up. To the point that am the only one left alone in the office. It sucks. The time wasted for me waiting for him is longer than the time he's going to drop me off. You see, am waiting for atleast 45 minutes, while it only takes 5 minutes or less for him to drive me from office to my place. It's just that I can't afford to walk outside. I actually tried once, and I end up getting heat stroke. And I actually paid him already.

Like today, I wasn't able to log out coz the ticketing office is already closed when I went down. Arghh..

Had a nice dinner today. Coz I called for food delivery since I can't go to supermarkets recently. And am feeling like I ate too much again. My pants are getting tighter and it's driving me crazy. Yet I can't seem to stop eating. Haist...

a day like this

Somehow, that person annoyed me this morning. I mean, if you're asking someone for a favor, atleast don't make her feel obligated to do it.

Maybe it's my tone in reading his messages that made me lose my patience towards him. I sort of lash out at him. Coz he started the whole conversation in a very unpolite way in my opinion. So when I started reverting back nastily, he suddenly mellowed down. And told me I misinterpreted his messages. Susmaryosep!

I know am being mean to a person who's carrying a lot of burden already. And me of all the people should be able to understand it coz I know what it's like to be in that kind of situation. As there was a time that my parents done the same thing; almost begging to every person they know just for us to survive. And got humiliated countless of times. Those are the hard times that I wished am already an adult so I can earn enough money to support my family. Just like what my sister told me, those are the times she wanted to forget yet she doesn't want to. And I have the same feeling. Coz those are the times that keeps on reminding me to work hard to give a comfortable life to my parents now. As I want them live their life now without worrying about anything and not to experience again what they've gone through before. 

So now I feel bad coz I felt like am being so stingy. Or maybe I got affected by what a friend told me about this story. She actually advised me to just ignore him. Ahhh... I hate having mixed feelings. 

life or something like that

Life's too short.

Just heard a news that one of my former highschool mate passed away. Cause of death am not too sure. I just got invited to a group and there I found out about it. I felt sad. If my memory serves me right, he's a nice guy. Coz he talks to me before like am not an outsider. Yup, there was a time during highschool that I sort of got a feeling of an outsider as I transferred from another school. And I really had a hard time adjusting, not only to school but also to what is happening in my family back then.

Suddenly had this pang of loneliness in me. I miss my family and friends. Coz recently I don't want to go out. I just want to stay in my room and rest. Maybe due to unbearable heat outside. Or I want to save money for my next vacation. Or maybe just the laziness in me. Can't wait for my vacation. To see my family and friends. To eat and laugh with them. To sleep and wake up knowing there's someone in the house I can look forward in smiling to. To play with good ol Jimi. To watch anime like a highschooler. Or go malling with lots of restaurant options to chose from. And eat. And laugh.

Hope our plan will materialize. Am getting excited. Four more months!!!

microwave dilemma

Recently am enjoying silly things like watching old re runs of korean tv series. Spent my long weekend laughing my ass off cause I didn't expect it to be so funny. I watched the whole season 3 of Idol Army featuring 2pm and I really had fun. I quickly forgot my admiration for Kim Soo Hyun and now I became a fan of the beast idols, hahaha... So much for the kpop fever.

And for some reason, my microwave is always giving me a hard time. Did I mentioned before this one time I tried to cook my undercooked egg? That exploded inside the microwave in the middle of cooking time. Darm that site in internet that said you can cook eggs in the microwave. It's a big lie!

Also this one time that I bought microwavable baby potatoes. It's actually fresh baby potatoes sealed in microvable bag ready. All you need to do is set it between 6-7 minutes. I set it at 6 minutes to be sure but after a few minutes, I heard a pop and my extension cord suddenly stopped working. Guess cannot handle the voltage of microwave? Totally have no idea. So result I lose track of the cooking time of my potatoes and it end up undercooked. Dung!

Then last Friday I remembered I bought one box (comes in three packets) of microwavable cheesy popcorns. End up wasting the first packet coz instruction said 1:45 to 3 minutes depending on the power of the microwave. I checked and mine is on high power. But after 3 minutes the bag is still flat As in no single corn popped out. So I add 1 minute, then another minute. Then again and again till the bag is already fat from all the popcorn. But when I opened the bag, I smelled the burnt cheese and some unfortunate pops. So I end up throwing the whole bag as it doesn't taste good. Second packet is half half success. Half did popped but half were still corn kernels. Arghhh...

....

Does anybody do measure your waist in the morning then feel so elated to know that you lose weight? Then after eating lunch and some snack you recheck your size and be horrified of the reality that your tummy size has grown bigger than the normal size? Well, it always happen to me. So so frustrating. Seriously, if I really want to join that vacation, I only have three months to lose weight. Tummy fat, please please go away.

gluttony attacks

Hate this feeling. That urge that you want to eat... and eat. And am literally rummaging my fridge to find something healthy to eat. It's not that am starving. I already ate minced pork and rice, then a bowl of italian salad and two bananas. But am still feeling hungry. And am so tempted to open the wafer stick, chips, cheesecake and ice cream. Good thing I found the baby carrots, it saved me some calories. Didn't noticed that I almost finished the whole bag, dung! 

And I have tonsilitis since friday. Coz maybe I indulge myself for a big bowl of ice cream. Or maybe due to me eating ice cream pops almost everyday on my home. I actually don't know the reason.

And worst, I currently lost my interest in walking. Coz I saw my legs in the mirror and I don't like the muscles that build up. It looked awful. Now my legs are big, no longer the slim one, wtf. And I hate those legs with defined muscles. Coz am a sucker for a barbie like legs.

Ahhh.... am getting hungry again. What to do, what to do... I was able to control this for the last few months, now it's coming back again. And am so craving for Thai food. I miss Black Canyon. How I always drag Julio to go there and eat. Waaaaa... I want tom yum goong, grilled tiger prawns, fried rice, calamares, sticky rice with mango and my all time favorite lemon frappe. Waaaaaa... Someone bring me back to Dubai. Ahh wait, no need. I found a small Thai restaurant in Khalidiya Mall though a bit lower in expectation but can do for the moment. All I need to do is to do some extensive research to find more options. 

Am getting hungrier and hungrier. Better go to bed early to forget about food.

skout

I signed up today in a chat app "skout" coz saw some bloggers and instagramers are talking bout it. After a few hours of downloading it, I was about to delete it coz most of the one sending me messages are guys and all of them asked the same thing, if am looking for a relationship. Wtf! Is finding a relationship the only reason for downloading a chat app? Maybe for others but for me no! I just downloaded it out of curiosity and coz am bored, even cyber friends can do as long as decent and can have decent conversation. Maybe I'll keep it for the meantime.

All those guys I find low I didn't respond. No offense to nationalities, but if it's arabs, indians or other gcc nationalities, I don't reply back. Coz they think I'm like others looking for some fake relationship.

Fortunately, found some decent chatmates (ladies and guys) who are animal lovers, and mostly from asia. And there was this lady that have three super duper cutie doggies I shamelessly asked her to send me more pictures of them (which she nicely did). And this one lady who have a 15 year old kitty. Wish I can have a pet like them. Unfortunately, pets are not allowed in most of the flats here.

Ok, setting aside that chat issue, been feeling not well the whole day. Maybe coz I took that sleeping pills again. I feel weird. Maybe coz I stopped taking it for months. But I did had a good sleep last night only to wake up feeling terrible.

Feeling so lazy I can't even iron my clothes for tomorrow or prepare my lunchbox.

...

Got bored with this app as I feel its a total waste of time. Whatta crap! Deleted...

yes yes yoh!

It's Thursday night! Yehey! My most awaited day coz it means no work tomorrow. Meaning can sleep longer and stay longer in the bed - doing nothing.

And one more good news to end my week, I got a carlift! Another yipee! Means no need to walk and be sweaty in the morning (only one way trip everyday as I can manage to go home walking in the afternoon). Waaaa... So happy wanna kiss Geraldine as she's the one who refer him to me. 

With the current lifestyle am having, I shouldn't be starting to whine. But, I can't help not to. Being a newbie sucks. Sometimes I feel like am the second Sandra (my previous colleague). It's like sometimes when there are things that I don't know and I asked them, they will tell me what to do then later on I'll get blame for doing something wrong. It's like, wtf! You've been here for so long still giving me wrong information duh! Or instances when they asked me to do something and they will be the one to give instruction. Later on they will say, "what you do?" that will irritate me to no end. My dear, if it isn't you who give me instruction then later on will blame me for doing wrong coz you didn't give a correct instruction. Ok, word instruction became repeated several times but duh! Sometimes I really want to scream but decided not to as am no longer a kid to throw tantrums. And this is the most common cases, they will say, "yeah am sure about it" or "yeah there's email about it" but when you ask for a confirmation or proof, cannot provide wtf! And my most hated thing to do - filing. Wtf, it annoys me to no end when they always ask me to make labels. Duh! Do I look like a human label maker for you? Cannot do your own label wtf! And what's with this weird project of asset tagging doing manual tags in a sticker in the size of A4!  So I have to cut it manually and bring my own paper cutter... Arghhhh...

But work related stress is nothing compared to the stress I had in my previous work. So better stop whining now.

By the way, I started to do some serious walking felt my legs became hard as a stone I sometimes having nightmares of having Popeye's muscles, wtf. Since my body is not equipped for running nor jogging, walking is the only thing I can do. Only downfall is that I grew bigger than before. Coz I always think I can eat more than normal since am gonna do walking later on. Dung! Now I can feel my pants are getting tighter than before.

Now I remembered, last week me & Blesie went to Dubai for a quick trip (wasn't even able to meet some old friend) to visit her friend and previous colleague in Doha who got into some serious car accident. When I say serious, it involves broken upper leg bone, steel implanted in her bone marrow with matching three screws, ouch! She was crossing in the pedestrian lane but car passed by so quickly and since there's no stop light, she got hit pretty badly. When I saw her xray, it's like my insides are being turned upside down. I'm so thankful with God for always guiding me and keeping me away from harm. And since then, I stopped running towards the other side of the road if am in a hurry even if it's on red signal. 

Am currently thinking whether to go out or stay at home. Since I had a big dinner (I cooked I cooked!), am thinking to burn it thru brisk walking. But man, am feeling lazy plus Rahyan didn't reply back, maybe she's not going to join to walk tonight. What to do, what to do.

Anyway, need to move. Have to change bedsheet as I washed them earlier. See I can even do my laundry during weekdays while before I can only do it during weekends and for a whole freaking day. Talk about laundry day.

Tata for now~

saturday night

Saturday night is the most dreaded time for me. It marks the end of my weekend and the hardest night to sleep.

I just finished ironing clothes good for one week. God how I hate ironing, but left me no choice but to do it.

I just realized that both of my lower legs are covered with bruises. Coz we went biking for the last two nights. And on the last night of our biking, I got hit by some young crazy dude that almost sent me flying. Kids nowadays were so careless and headache. Good thing nothing major happened to me, only Rahyan's bike got injured coz we exchange our bikes (I just rented mine).

Am too lazy to go out of my room. I planned to go out today but end up watching some series instead. 

Found new dayre users to follow. More interesting blogs to read.

Gotta go, gonna rest my back and legs for now.

happy porkie easter sunday!

Happy Easter everyone!

 

It’s a bit late but better to be late than not greeting at all.

 

Yesterday taxi hunting was so terrible I almost cried. I left office exactly on time coz am planning to go to church. Turned out no taxi, there are some few but unfortunately been taken away by other passengers. So I was left waiting for almost an hour. Until Rahyan my forever savior called me if am already in the church. Told her am still waiting in vain for taxi and she offered to share her taxi if ever she will get first which she did. So I was late for almost 30 minutes. Dung!

 

One good thing happened, I managed to buy pork barbeque. P-O-R-K bbq. Am so happy I didn’t notice the sauce of bbq already dripped out of the package and smeared my clothes (shameless me praying in the middle of the crowd holding a bag of bbq and sending off the smell to everyone).

 

Since the crowd was unbelievably huge, I decided not to finish the mass (another shame for me coz I arrived late then I left off early). As I went outside the church, I saw again a pork bbq seller and decided to buy another two sticks (me happily leaving the church with four bbq sticks on hand).

 

Quickly passed by in the supermarket to buy some instant pancit canton noodles and yogurt. My room still have this stinky smell of a combination of old room and the pest control scent (or maybe am just too paranoid). Angrily sprayed my lemon scent spray all over the room only to find out later on that it went straight to my laptop and wall mirror. No choice but to clean it.

 

By the way, I saw something on FB wall that I remember something crazy I experience few days ago. You see, whenever I walk going home, I always listen to music as loud as my ear can handle as I don’t want to hear anything from the people on my surrounding. But on this one particular day, I heard a very loud disgusting gargling spit that almost made my hair stand on its roots. I told myself to ignore it but I wasn’t able to fully control my curious genes and my head automatically swung. To my horror, I found the culprit. It’s a Chinese auntie. I was flabbergasted to know that a lady can make such disgusting sound and action on a public area. We were in the walkway near the main road, for God’s sake! Manners…

On the other note, this one annoying supermarket near my place sells my favorite flavours of ice cream. It's so annoying that I can't help not to buy one everytime I pass by on my way home. Felt like a grade schooler again eating some cold sweets while walking. So much for dieting.

Talk about annoying things, this new song of 5 seconds of summer "she looks so perfect" annoys me to no end. Can't believe how crappy the lyrics are!

Ok, gotta go. Gonna lay my aging back as it's aching again.

mission accomplished!

Feeling accomplished for today.

Managed to repack and fix almost 3/4 of my things. Two more boxes and 1 big luggage to go, yipee!

Most probably if I'll stay at home next weekend and I manage to buy more plastic boxes at Ikea, I'll be able to finish all these remaining mess.

But man, my back does ache from all this lifting and cleaning. Seriously, I think the previous one who rented this room didn't bother to clean the room for the whole year! I mop the floor twice coz I want it to be squeaky clean coz flooring style looks dirty (maybe that's the reason why he doesn't want to clean the room). Next week I'll mop again, once a week room cleaning is my limit. 

I'll just throw all garbages and empty boxes outside tom as am too lazy to go out of my room.

On the other note, am already on episode 10 of Dream High. 6 more and I'm done. I'll look again for something new to watch.

Am craving for some pasta. And maki. And ramyun. And pork. Waaaaaaa... Am so hungry am hallucinating.

Hope there's someone out there who's willing to deliver food to me everyday and I'll just pay. Haay... Wishful thinking.

Changed my bedsheet and found out how hard it is to replace duvet cover if your bedframe is doubledecker. Coz previously I'll stand in bed and just make pagpag the duvet with cover and everything will fall in places automatically. Now it's too hard. Almost lose my patience.

Gonna lay now in bed as my back is killing me, geez!

tadaaa! am back

Such a nice feeling to just lay in the bed and relax.

 

Went to see an eye doctor to check my pair. I’m sort of afraid to do it for such a long time and always find excuses just to end up procrastinating it. I’m afraid to hear what they will tell me about the status of my eyes who used to have a perfect vision of 20/20 now I can’t even see clearly the faces of people in front of me, wtf! So it turned out my left eye is the worst one. Chose the nerdy type of frame but guess I'll just come back when I got my salary coz it cost 1.3k and I already spent all my money I don't have budget for it anymore.

 

Last night went to out with Eloisa and Cherry to go see the ballroom group in Marina Yacht. I didn’t have the grandest time there but I still managed to amuse myself while watching them. Turned out I prefer girls swinging hips than guys. Not that am turning to a lesbian but I really like it especially when they are wearing short dresses, wahahaha. On the other note, I find it disgusting to watch guys dance ballroom. No offense to guys who love to dance as I prefer to watch guys dance pop or modern dance, but not ballroom. It just freaks me out.

 

Afterwards, we went to Beach Rotana and had late Japanese dinner there. Even though I already ate dinner at the flat, the thought of delicious maki made me hungry. Since Eloisa knows some staff there, we had a very good service and freebies. Talk about connections!

 

First time to try warm sake. Been wanting to try for a long time but always unable to do so. Waaaa…. I love it. But I think I’ll prefer to drink it together with teppanyaki or anything grilled. Just thinking about mouth-watering goodness. Yaki soba I like. Coz most of the time I always order udon instead of soba. Love love anything with soya sauce taste. But the makis are the best! I forgot the name but I guess it Philly something and I really really like it. Most probably I’ll order it again in my next visit. Think I complimented it so much chef gave us free salmon sashimi but only had one piece coz am not fond of raw, feels yucky. For dessert we had a simple lemon sorbet. I was torn between green tea or lemon but Ate told me lemon is much better so I went for lemon. So refreshing I could eat another two scoops.

 

We met the bar manager of the German bar beside the resto and gave us complimentary drinks. He was suggesting us to try the German beer but since am not fond of beers as it makes me feel bloated, I said no. But he insisted that I should have one so I agree with the Long Island Iced Tea. Turned out having too much ice taste becomes bland but I don’t have the right to complain as it’s free. And before we go he gave us each free one shot of I-don’t-know-drink but it have some plum in the name. Strong but not as strong as chacha (Georgian alcohol). 

 

Speaking of Cherry, this Chinese girl is a funny gal. We were chatting with the sushi chef when the age factor came to our discussion. We asked her to guess my age and she guessed it too wrong I feel like a retard to the age she thought. I mean, sometimes I had this mixed feeling wether to take it as a compliment or get offended. Common, I've had enough of this common phrase "parang pinabili lang ng suka" coz I've been hearing it for the last nine years since I started working!

Well, setting aside the last one, overall, I had a very very nice evening. My stomach was so happy I had a very good night sleep.

....

Latest chapter of Naruto is soo bitin! Grrrr...

tralala

Been a long time.

I hate to start writing about not so good things though I can say that a LOT of things happen to me recently. I told myself long ago that I'll refrain from doing but if I'll stop it, how can I release all these angst that am feeling? I don't want to talk to people and whine non stop about the bad things that were happening to me, so please excuse me for using this blog as my outlet.

I don't want to think that it's a bad luck for me my decision to move here. I'm trying to focus on good things as I believe life is bound by yin yang. You're not gonna get all the good things at the same time, you also will get the bad things. All you have to do have keep believing in yourself as you're the number one supporter of your ownself.

And I'm no longer a little kid who will cower and hide if things didn't go on my way. Bad days do come to everybody. Okay I do mistakes and decide things hastily, and I'll have to be responsible for that. As much as I hate to admit, currently my self esteem is quite low. I lose all my confidence I tried so hard to build and nowadays I felt worthless. At work I feel very stupid. And I super hate this feeling. I sent an email to my old email and suddenly got teary eyed for missing the old me when I saw the out of office message I left months ago. What a stupid move. It's not that I regret resigning, what upsets me is the current me who's doing stupid stuff and don't think before doing anything.

And the new room I got have free "friends" on it, it really makes me hate to go home no matter how tired I am. It's just that am too fed up to move that I told myself to adjust just now. So most of the time, am walking aimlessly outside to refresh my mind from some sort of stress am having.

Oh yeah, by the way I don't believe in bad luck such as black cat. But this morning saw a pure black kitty near the parking lot and told myself there's no such thing as black cat bad luck. Hellyah, I totally forgot about it but my whole day is shitty. Maybe just a coincidence coz I don't want to blame my bad luck on the poor kitty. 

Tomorrow's thursday. One more day to endure and I'm off for the weekend.  Haay...

 

news blues

Recently am sporting a new lifestyle. I can say that my previous work gives me a "sheltered life" kind of life. Now am totally independent.

Never once I walk in the morning or get myself sweat before starting to work. Now after almost two weeks in my new work, it's either I have to fight a battle to get a taxi, run to the bus stop to catch the bus or worst, walk till I reach my office.

My house is like 15-20 minutes by walk away from the office. Less if you walk fast. I'm on heels so I can't walk fast unless i want to injure my own feet. Several times I experience walking straight to the office as the bus already left and no taxi can be seen.

This new lifestyle should make me healthy ayt? But hell no. Since I moved here, I can count on my fingers the days that I'm feeling ok. Most of the times, I'm always sick. Either I have a cold, cough, fever or all of them. My voice has been low I miss my old shrieking one.

Rice? Am so missing you. It's not that I can't cook rice, the problem is that I don't have anything to partner to it.

Last night tried to boil some eggs using the rice cooker. Totally forgot about it and it turned out to a very hard boiled eggs.

In the office I'm still in the adjustment period. It's a bit hard coz I need to build their trust on me and my work. Not only on my own department but to other department as well. I still don't remember everybody's name and faces so it's a bit hard for me. My manager is still unresponsive to my presence which I need to work on hardly. I'm just afraid that a point may come and I'll disappoint them (as they know that I'm not new in this field) and their epxectation on me is different.

I already set a goal for myself. And am gonna do whatever it takes for me to get it (of course in a proper way). Determination it is!

Now am off somewhere to gate crash other people's bbq  party.

stressful day

I'm stressed, frustrated, disappointed, worried and I wanted to cry.

Attestation - why you were even been invented after all?

But my question is, why now? Why after all this times? It's more than one month since I submitted all my documents!

So I told her that I wasn't aware that I needed to provide her with the attested one, then she sends me the email she sent to me dated November! November - during the first time I declined the offer.  So in the end, it comes back to me as negligence on my part, wtf!

I'm seriously frustrated to the point that I'm feeling helpless I wanted to cry. I've got no one to blame.

Actually, it will not be a big deal if only I already got my last pay. Atleast I have money to pay for my expenses. But the problem is that I can't get it yet if I don't have my change of status. How am I suppose to pay for my room, the internet charges when I have it disconnected and my food?

Worst is that some people doesn't seem to understand my situation. Instead of offering me some advice, they were like blaming me for resigning as if it's my fault that things like this were happening to me. Wtf!

I can't get out, I can't go to places for short vacation. I have time but I don't have money. And I won't be able to really go out of country as I don't have any visa. Literally, am stucked. Guess house arrest is the appropriate term.

I'm so doomed. And it's depressing like hell.

So far I lose interest to do anything. To the point of not getting out of bed.

So shitty days do really come even when you don't come out of your room.

boring day

I've moved to my new room for days now but I still didn't managed to clean or sort my things. For some reason, I've been sick lately and I cannot move much.

Though I just drank randomly all the medicines I could find in my things, I hope I'll get better tomorrow so I can start sorting all the things I needed to do and do a major cleaning of the room.

I've been taken care of by Rahyan am so touched I wanna cry lah ,wtf. She was even worried about me not eating, well it is a bit common for me to skip meals due to my laziness. I really wanted to go with them to the mall but I feel so sick I don't have the energy to go out. Maybe coz it's too cold yesterday.

Btw, my visa still hasn't come out. Coz of that, I still haven't started my exit clearance and my last pay still on hold. I'm experiencing the same stress I had less than 3 years ago. Haayz...

Anyway, hope I'll get better on friday so I can go out and have fun.

valentines day

Been a while. Got stucked in so many things I barely had time to think what to write.

Moved in my new room on the day of Valentines. Well, didn't expect to have loads of things to shift so I ended up filling the room with so many boxes.

Blesie, Rahyan and Anna came to give a hand but we didn't really do much as we're all lazy to move. Thanks to Rahyan as she's the one who initiates to atleast start something.

Evening we went out and ate some Filipino food. It was good we're all so full. Don't want to stay in a messy room so I slept over at Blesie's.

Next day we baked a strawberry cake with white chocolate frosting. Turned out nice am so happy.

Back to my new room, just spent the first night and I wasn't able to sleep right. Maybe coz I didn't start cleaning that's why the smell is still there. It was basically still dirty and messy, but currently am way too sick to move. I woke up having a nasty cold. I should start cleaning and unpacking but for some reason, I'm feeling so cold had to wear jacket (eventhough I turned off the A/C as I'm really shivering).

I'm hungry...

pondering thoughts

Have you ever been in the position when you're torn in two things? That when you finally decided on something, suddenly in the end you became undecided again?

Been asked for the same question today by several people. Same question that really hit me on the spot.

Seriously, maybe I'm just being selfish to see that someone was now taking the place that I know was suppose to be mine. That if only I said yes, things will be different. That if only I discussed it first with them, maybe there will be a different outcome now. 

Waaaaaa.... I can't be like this.

I need to stand firm on what I've decided months ago. And I'm happy for all those people who got the chance. Because I believe that everything happens for a reason. Me leaving meaning giving chance to others. And I think that they should thank me for giving way as well. Sometimes, I do really am a hypocrite person.

Anyway, I hope for the best to all of us.

counting the days

Well, it's like only two more weeks.

Been super busy room hunting (not flat hunting anymore as it's too expensive to rent a flat alone). Been disappointed countless of times looking for the "one".

Yesterday I was so down coz the one that I thought will be ok turns out not ok. Price doesn't match as what's advertised. In the end, we just went to grand mosque to kill time then I went back to Dubai.

I found one room, only seen through skype but I still confirmed to take it as it looks ok. Will see the real thing on friday. Fingers crossed.

Honestly, I don't feel happy leaving this company. Rather, I kinda scared for what's waiting for me there. But hey, I am Sam! I'm not me if I cower down and be scared of the new challenges ahead of me.  I'm not the type of person to stay in one place and be on the comfort zone for a long time.

Btw, had this gruesome experience that almost took my insanity (just exaggerating). My phone just went gaga and been crashing non stop.

First had this issue with twlauncher then social hub. Cannot send sms and cannot view my emails. Had to search non stop in internet, downloading this, downloading that. In the end, my phone and features looks totally different. My previous themes and wallpapers were all gone (bye bye coraline). Now it's all too pinky coz I want to match my theme with my handset color. But am glad that it's now working. I'm so worried that I have to buy a new phone (currently on a tight budget coz I'm gonna move to a new room). Plus I cannot tahan changing my beloved coraline for a new one. Such strong bond.

So far still getting these annoying crash error messages but everythings working so far. Only battery runs out very fast lah. My phone's basically on the charger for almost the whole day. But I have to hold on. This month and next month will be quite hard for me so I can't afford to spend on things like this.

back back

I'm back, and I'm damn sick.

Recently my days are getting crazy, eversince I resigned. And as usual, it's busy like hell.

But seriously, I kinda getting lonely everytime people are talking to me like leaving will be the biggest mistake I'll ever do. But what can I do? 

Now am worried for so many things. And I'm getting fat coz of that.

And I can't sleep again. Maybe coz I'm having this certain feeling that I will leave this place sooner than I thought.

I already took medicine but seems like it's not working. Maybe I needed a higher dosage.

happy new year!

I still can't believe that it's already 2014. Time sure passes by quickly.

As a habit, lemme recap what happened for 2013. Basically, it's not too exciting but overall I had a good year. Hope I have better year ahead of me.

I think I attended a lot of training last year and do some various stuff. All photos are shitty as I need to resize or grab them from somewhere as I cannot upload now good quality pics here; unless I pay to Google.

January

• Had the Craft Training Certificate. Basically it's a training on how to properly train a person or group of person. Had lots of fun.

 while I was being trained (it's dual training - you need to train and be trained as well); grabbed this photo from fb of someone else

•  Dyed my hair. I requested it to be violet blue but for some reason, it turned out reddish brown.

February

• Jazz Festival season. Wasn't able to attend last year coz I went for vacation in Manila. This year volunteered myself to work for three days so I can watch for free.

 worked as a bartended in VIP area so I can see the "The Script" up close :)

March

• Went to Miracle Garden with friends

 so hard to get a spot in this heart-shaped arc as lots of people wants to have pics here

May

• Gathered my courage and blindly applied for Schengen visa. After two weeks of waiting, my passport came back to me smiling - ready for the European trip!

June

• Travelled to Greece, Italy, France and Netherlands. We have to give up Spain due to schedule conflict.

 

dream came true to be in Santori, though the weather is not cooperative it's so gloomy. greeted by a friendly tour guide, haha

 found this lovable, sweet kitty in Acropolis, wanted badly to bring him home

Vatican - with the chance to see the new Pope for real

eversince I read the book "The Da Vinci Code", I've always wanted to visit Louvre, too bad we don't have enough time to do so

it was freaking cold had to buy new jacket

July

• Had the Accelerated Leadership Development Program 1 together with Ivan. This training aims to improve the leadership skills of a leader who's supervising a person / group of people.

October

• Was able to meet my other sister after 6 long years. It was nice to see our family complete.

 

 our first dine out.

November

• Attended "Understanding our Leadership Competencies" training
• Attended "Writing a Briliant Self Review"
• Celebrated our four years anniversary here in Dubai

 this time, it's only the two of us. my first time try our outlet "Anise".

December

• Had a sudden bonding moment with Lyndon after so long

Well, guess that's it. Couldn't remember other occassions. I just hope in 2014 I'll be able to travel again. Life's too short to just let it pass by.

I thank my family for giving me happiness, my friends, my work and my colleagues. And to the future path that I'm going to embark, I hope that will be a fresh start of a good life.