getting old

Earlier today, on our way back to the office after lunchbreak, we heard the news in the radio about the oldest person in the world living with the age of 115. Then I told Richard that I don't think I will be able to live that long, maybe around 80+ only. I don't have vices (though I don't eat vegetables), but I think 100+ was too much. It's not that I don't want to live longer, I'm just being realistic. With all the preservatives and other chemicals included the foods that we're eating, I doubt...

Anyway, back to our conversation. I don't know what else are we talking about but we just got to the point where I told him if ever I will get married, I want to die first and let my husband suffer and mourn for my lost (am bad I know). He almost burst out laughing (dunno why). So he told if ever he will marry me, he'll kill me the next day. Haha! Like I'm willing to marry him, duh! I don't want to die after I recently got married, I want to enjoy my married life, for Godsake! 

Then he asked me why. Well... I said don't want to be left alone, period. What I mean is, when me and my husband reached to the point that we're both wrinkled and old, I'm very much willing to go ahead and expired. I dunno, maybe I'm just too coward to face the loneliness alone. I'm too much drama right now so I no longer want drama when I get old. I want to die first so I will find a husband who's younger than me so I will die first than him. After that, I just realized what I've said. Wtf! Did I just said, I want someone who's younger than me? I mean, all this time, eversince I was a kid, my preference for my future husband was always older than me. So even I was shocked in what I've said. Richard said I'm just being pedophile. Haha! Sometimes his comments were insane I want to smash his head in the tire of the car. LOL.

Just realized that your outlook, preferences and visions in life changes as you grew older. Reasons vary, but you will never notice it because it's gradual. Maybe due to different influences, nothing's for sure.

Suddenly, felt like I'm getting old...